Could I have been more thankful?

There are some 86,400 seconds each day and I often wonder how many of them I give up as thanks. If you read this blog, you know how my life was literally turned upside down several months ago by what seemed as totally unnecessary and most assuredly as not fair. But as I’ve written in previous posts, life isn’t always that-fair, and it would have been projective to have blamed God for what happened. We often become critical of His involvement or seeming lack of it when bad things happen to good people. Do I consider myself a good person…most of the time. I try to lead my life by a straight and narrow moral compass. I fail miserably at times and yet, I know it is my faith that continues to return again and again to seek guidance and forgiveness and use some of those 86,000 seconds to return to grace. I give my thanks each day that “my boy” is here with me….not just him, but the others as well. For when you’re given a bleak outlook and the world turns inside out for you, one can’t help but realize that His involvement was always there. How much time will I be given….I am thankful for any.

My Silent Pawdners'

They are the strong, the silent, the mysterious, the delicate, the background purveyors of mediocrity. In some eyes, they are devilish, independent, aloof, and vastly inferior. To me, I don't give them enough "air time" on this blog. They are my Silent Pardners, quite capable of as much affection, love, devotion as my canine buds. They have been as much attentive to me on this emotional roller coaster as any four legged friend could be. They are always readily seeking me out for a warm lap, or a cuddle side by side on the comforter. And not the least shy about letting me know it's time for their meager morsel of 1 tsp. of canned food to supplement their dry food. They're constantly ready to leap tall buildings, dart faster than the speeding bullet, and certainly more powerful than a locomotive as they scurry about leaving only the wisp of their fur to chase their toy stuffed mice scantily scented with the elixir of the gods-catnip!!! Who would imagine that such a benign dried substance could arose the Kubla Khanish mentality and elicit such a perplexing response. Are they on a acid induced euphoric dream...is it something that Kurt Cobain himself longed for...or is that their endorphins have suddenly reached the pinnacle of enjoyment?? Who knows, who cares....for me, their delight in the simple joys of life bring a smile to my face and certainly a tear to my eye of their simplistic approach to life. They are my Riley, Georgy, and Re-Re!!

I Was Given a Gift

I look at my boy differently each day now, as I do my other two dogs and even my kitties. God granted me a gift in Sept.of this year and while this gift continues 24/7 I am totally respectful of life, its frailty and its total effervescence. The dynamics of life being able to change as rapidly as the race car driver shifting into his turn at Le Mans. I was also given a gift of trust from Dancer. For he put his trust and unconditional hope in me. It is with those undeniable qualities of him that we have completed a major hurdle in his treatment. It scares me sometimes to think that his entire world revolves around me....that I am the center of his universe. I am honored, truly to have that kind of endearing sentiment. And yet, it is knowing this that I may consign this sentiment to others. I am unbelievably humbled that I learned this from a dog. It took his total trust in me to understand my human spirit and my unrelenting faith not just in him that I would take care of him, but I had to again put my total faith in my God and bring it to His altar. It was from Dancer's spirit that we prevailed, or at least I did. I cannot thank him enough, other than to be his rock, his steady and assure him each day what he has given me. I post this picture of him (and me) as an embodiment of my enduring love for him. And while he is pressed against me, it is I with my arms around him, cherished to give me strength.

Say Goodnight, "Murph"

It is with an extraordinary amount of sadness that I post this evening as I just learned that one of Dancer's buds has crossed the Rainbow Bridge. Ms. Murph was called yesterday at the tender age of 8...far too young for such a beautiful girl. Dancer only met Murph in Sept. of this year as she too was afflicted with the same type cancer. They met only briefly in Colorado as they both underwent the same type of intervention to fight a disease that had invaded their bodies. Murph is a valiant girl and gave everything she had and who is so deeply loved by her mom-Pam. It was such a shock to find out that this horrible disease had stricken so much of her body than was originally thought. But, being the strong and self effacing girl that she is, she never complained and struggled to fight this. If they could only talk would be our fondest wish so that she could have told her mom that she was hurting in areas of her body. While we mourn her passing with great sorrow, it was somewhat fitting that her demise was signaled by doing what she loved to do....chase squirrels. It was only after darting after one as a cheetah in pursuit of her prey that Murph broke her leg. It was then revealed that with a shattered leg the cancer was masked surreptitiously in her bones, far to great than even her brave soul could muster. She gave and was given the best 8 years of her life. Her mom will miss her terribly but in the end, she will undoubtedly say to Pam, "Please see that my trusting life is taken gently. I shall leave this earth knowing with the last breath I draw that my fate was always safest in your hands".

Good night Murph, sweet princess until we meet again
Dan, Dancer, Piper, and Remy

Dancer's Rainbow

"Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high.
There's a land that I heard of Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue.
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.
Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops, Away above the chimney tops.
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow,
Why then - oh, why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,
Why, oh, why can't I?"

Here's hoping that we'll find the pot of gold at the end of Dancer's Rainbow

23 Years

The passage of time and how we define it can be traced to very specific events, moments, or even those that are about to occur. Yet those that are about to occur are at best unpredictable. Lately, I've been wishing that time would stand still and that air of unpredictability would escape me. I thought of trying to be very existential with this post and think of some muse of Aristotelian thought or maybe even go a little "crazy" and define some Heideggerian mentality that hearken sentimentality of this day. Alas, it's rather late and the flowing thoughts aren't being philosophical but lending to a nostalgic tenderness. I think about this day some 23 yrs. ago as I sat by his side, his body now failing him as a horrible disease consumed it. He didn't know I was there as he slipped in and out of a coma. I had hoped the angels were providing for him as I watched his body arch and settle down. I spoke to him but he did not respond to my voice. I told him I was there and it was going to be alright, but again he did not hear me. I would have liked to have one more talk with him, to tell him how much I loved him and that all the years of pain and sorrow we had gone through didn't matter. I would have wanted to say, "can we have another game of catch"? or "will you take me fishing one more time"? I wanted to watch "Shane" with him one more time like we did last night and I wanted him to sing "Danny Boy" to me one more time. I wanted to say that for all those painful moments, I would joyously give up those 23 yrs. to have one more day with you. I knew that you were still there for me and that your love for me never failed for that's what dad's do for their sons. I wanted to tell him that I would miss him each and every day he would be gone. There isn't a day that goes by that he's not in my thoughts and I miss him terribly. Paul died Sept. 29, 1986-23 yrs. ago today. He was only 71.

Kisses, meet Murph, Murph, meet Kisses

As Dancer completed his third and final dose of radiation this past Friday at Colorado State University, he wanted me to introduce two of his canine brothers who are struggling with the same cancer. And these two guys;(one gal) one Kisses, a Yorkie mix just completed his radiation last week, and Murph, a Golden is getting ready to undergo the start of hers tomorrow. And while Kisses is back home in Calif. and now endeavors to arrest additional health concerns, Murph impatiently and with a fair amount of anxiety awaits the beginning of another journey in her life. These two courageous troopers gallantly maintain that life is not just an inert warrant to be stopped because of their cancer, but a continuum only to be profoundly cherished. They are blessed by their "parents", Barbara and Pam who have confidently and with steadfast affirmation exposed their undying love for them. Roger Karas once said, "Dogs aren't our whole lives, but they make our lives whole". And these guys,(and gal) along with Dancer have attended to that void we experience, that element of abyss that can encompass us, and for our betterment and shear joy, make our lives whole.
And so, as Dancer's brother and sister await their next fork in the road, my prayers and hopes go with them.

I HAD A DREAM

I had a dream I was walking along a roaring stream with my friend and we came to a bridge that was old and dilapidated. It clearly had been crossed so many times as witnessed by the imbedded foot prints across its slats. It was an enduring bridge, held upright by weathered cables of jute and burlap fastened around the old pawpaw. And this majestic tree had additionally seen it’s days as well. My friend, who was now approaching the twilight of his life leaned on me and said, “I don’t know if I can cross this bridge, for it doesn’t appear that it will hold both of us”. He nudged me with his nose to motion that I go on without him. I said, “clearly you have carried me so often in my life, through my dark days, and have been my haven in times of despair, I will never leave you, I can surely carry you one more time”. And with that I picked my friend up and draped him around my neck. As we gathered ourselves, we stumbled under foot as the bridge swayed from our weight, the creaking and splintering of the slats threatened to thrust us into the rushing waters. “Please put me down and go on without me” my friend barked at me. I replied, “you will never know what a difference you have made in my life, I can never repay you, if you go, I go”. I felt his grip tighten around my neck and I felt his warmth give strength to my aching body. And with steady, and deliberate steps we crossed that Rainbow Bridge together. And as we reached the other side, we looked back and saw that the bridge was once again new, the slats had been mended, the jute where once was torn and tattered was strong and renewed. And the old pawpaw was blooming and bearing fruit once again. And the rushing waters of the stream had calmed and were now tranquil. I had a dream.

Frank-ly Speaking!!

As Dancer's journey continues (and hopefully on a positive one), I would be remissed, almost negligent, no, it would be unconscionable if I didn't acknowledge one of my "earth angels" in this ordeal. I know I've talked about my spirituality in my last several posts coupled with my undying belief in faith and hope that our "destination" will be one of joy. I've also talked about miracles and believing in them and while my most passionate wish is that Dancer is cured, I also believe in angels. I've been blessed lately (and throughout my life really) to have an extraordinary team of angels guiding me, consoling me, keeping my hope "Everest" like. But I digress and without mentioning this person, as I said, it would be unconscionable on my part for I credit him with his insight, knowledge, and judgment at catching this at an early stage. As I've witnessed and discussed with others who are experiencing the same type tumor in their dogs, and listening to their heartbreaking stories of misdiagnosis, treatment for other conditions and wasting precious time, I think back to the day in my vet's office when he suggested doing an x-ray to see what may be causing his sneezing. And when the "mass" was found, it was his recommendation that a referral be made to the oncologist to find out what its' make up was. The worst thing unfortunately was realized at that appt. But, he could have suggested treat with antibiotics, like other peoples vets had done, give him a shot, as other peoples have done, and all the while precious time would have been gone. I thank my "earth angel" for his intuition. If Dancer has been granted more time with me, I know he will have a Herculean contribution to it.
This guy is sort of semi retired as a vet though. He sold the practice a couple of years ago and as a courtesy the new group lets him come to the office, sort of as a "be kind to the old folks" mentality. He's the only guy there, outnumbered by 9-1 by females so that speaks either to his inner strength or he's unabashedly succumbed that the male is far inferior to the opposite sex. He spends the rest of is "free" time being a grandpa, trying to play on his forgotten dreams of being the next Ansel Adams (but he'll never be because he still shoots with a Nikon), and venturing off with his lovely bride-Sue to photograph those unfulfilled dreams of Ansel.
Several years ago, I got him to abandon his PC for a more hip, up to date, trendy, and just viably better computer, the venerable and enigmatic iMac. But in doing so, I inadvertently created a monster....a book monster for now he has taken to his new toy of creating pictorial books with his iMac. And I must say, he has a knack for making them not just visually stunning, but almost Adams like in their quality (ok, ok, so he shot them with a Nikon). It's customary when a president retires that he makes a library honored with his name. This guy will be the first vet to create a library from all his iMac books. Frank, you're the best!!

"Life is a Journey"

My posts have lately been far and few between and if you read this blog you know why. It has come down to more of a “journaling” than what it’s original intention was set out to be. But, ahhhhh, the beauty of life affords us that-change.
“Life’s a journey not a destination”…how many times have we read this and thought, “what a bunch of crap”? As a kid, when we went anywhere with the parents, how many times did we scream at the top of our lungs, “are we there yet”? And lately, I’ve been thinking that. As my boy Dancer (and I) are continuously challenged by “what to do” about this cancer thing that has invaded his body and appears to have no bound in wanting to destroy his life (and mine as well), I somberly think of the “destination”. Is it going to be death from cancer? And I guess this is where that part of that quote comes in; the journey, for it obliges me to pursue that overlooked road or detour to try and cheat fate. If you have a pet, you’ve been there and done that….when is the right time, did I wait too long, did I not wait long enough, who am I doing this for, him or me? And the ever engaging-“quality of life” buffer which somehow is meant to lessen our complete and utter anguish at “letting them go”. But, come on now, it really doesn’t…you’ve truly lost your best friend and all you can think about, is I want him here with me. But after your emotions have somewhat calmed, the cobwebs of heartbreak have subsided, you can reason, “it was time” and he’ll be in that special place we commonly refer to as Heaven, because you know….all dogs do go to heaven (and cats, and horses, and goats, and pigs….)

So, I (and Dancer) embark on one of those detours in the journey of life to try another intervention. Dancer will undergo a fairly new and somewhat radical procedure called the “cyberknife” in hopes of eradicating this tumor that impales him. We will place our trust in the hands of the skilled artisan who hopefully have their hands guided by God to use the laser beam to cheat death and add to, not just the quality of his life, but the quantity as well. It will be my fondest hope (and remember, Hope is a good thing) that Dancer will die of old age, not cancer.

Who Has a Lease on Life?

It's been several weeks since my last post and frankly my emotional energy has been sorely zapped. At my last posting (July 20th), I mentioned that my good friend, Dancer lay on a vet's table reeling from the effects of just having a rhinoscopy. And while my prayers were of a positive hope for a better outcome, the tide was swept away from me. My hope was sorely tested as I received the "CALL"-sino nasal transitional cell carcinoma. Prognosis-2 mos. left untreated, 3-5 with chemo, 9 mos. maybe with radiation. My heart broke. And for those of you who are thinking, it's just a dog for cryin' out loud, I'll have a little verse for you at the end.

So, I began to embark on another journey with Dancer, not so much a "death sentence" for that was what I was handed, but instead, a "life sentence". I remember the haunting and prophetic words of one Andy Dufresne, "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and a good thing never dies". He also said, "you can get busy living, or get busy dying". I decided to get busy living with Dancer for whatever time he has left. I truly believe it will be my faith in God, and my unrelenting passion for hope that will see us through.

My dad always used to say, "who has a lease on life"? He wasn't a smart man, not terribly intuitive, and surely his sensitivity was well hidden. But he did say that often, and his words harken to me now. While I know that having a pet gives me the most boundless joy I've ever experienced, and I truly have never loved anything that much, I know it has also given me the most sadness and I have had to face THE most difficult task ever in my life-the decision to let them go. And for now, with whatever time Dancer has left, my love and attention for him will be immeasurable.

Here's the verse I was mentioning earlier for those of you who believe "it's just a dog",

From time to time, people tell me, "lighten up, it's just a dog," or, "that's a lot of money for just a dog." They don't understand the distance traveled, the time spent, or the costs involved for "just a dog."

Some of my proudest moments have come about with "just a dog." Many hours have passed and my only company was "just a dog," but I did not once feel slighted.

Some of my saddest moments have been brought about by "just a dog," and in those days of darkness, the gentle touch of "just a dog" gave me comfort and reason to overcome the day.

If you, too, think it's "just a dog," then you will probably understand phases like "just a friend," "just a sunrise," or "just a promise." "Just a dog" brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust, and pure unbridled joy. "Just a dog" brings out the compassion and patience that make me a better person.

Because of "just a dog" I will rise early, take long walks and look longingly to the future. So for me and folks like me, it's not "just a dog" but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future, the fond memories of the past, and the pure joy of the moment.

"Just a dog" brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day.

I hope that someday they can understand that it's not "just a dog" but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being "just a human."

So the next time you hear the phrase "just a dog." just smile, because they "just don't understand."

I have attached a small video of Dancer with his good buddy cousin-Kris Kringle

Let's Dance-r

Life is certainly not fair sometimes. We often, no, actually always want the easy road. However, I must admit that adversity almost always gives us strength and discretion when it arises. For without adversity, we would not have those gifts that allow us to rise to the occasion. I have been given one of those unforeseen adversities today. It was one that I had been praying truly would not be given to me. And yet, I knew somehow it was out of my hands and the "luck of the draw". There is the old adage, "what does not kill us, makes us stronger". I can only say that it will be my faith and the power of prayer that will see us through.

My "Big Boy" Dancer, was diagnosed with a nasal tumor. And while he lies in a crate in the vet's office, most probably with a runny discharge from the procedure, my prayers will call out that I be blessed to have many more years with him. This is where the power of the internet becomes a pariah. For in the very knowledge that it bequeaths to us, there is that same knowledge that breaks our heart. If anyone reads this blog and you have a pet, (or don't, it really doesn't matter) say a special prayer for my boy tonight....thanks.

"FOR IT IS MARY"

"For it is Mary, Mary
Plain as any name can be
But with propriety, society will say Marie
But is was Mary, Mary
Long before the fashions
came
And there is something there that sounds so
square
It's a grand old name"

And with those inimitable words, George M. Cohan described her to a T. For she was a woman without reproach, with an unflailing manner to her life. And yet she came from somewhat aristocratic beginnings. The daughter of a Hispanic draftsman she lived with her mother and father and four brothers and sisters in a stately hacienda with servants and the "good life"in the little town of Arichega, Mexico. Only to be uprooted at an early age and brought to St. Louis with them and eventually abandoned by her father, life was not easy for them. She never finished high school and worked menial jobs as they struggled for their existence. She would eventually marry, have a daughter and then divorce until she met the love of her life for 45 years. And even then, that did not bring her to the Promised Land as she struggled with not only her husband's alcoholism but hers as well. And she would endure the gut wrenching pain of having her daughter emotionally and physically stripped from her by her sister. And she had to bear the most "via dolorosa" of her life and watch that very daughter to die before her. But she persevered as only a mother can do. She and her husband eventually reached sobriety. She became the "breadwinner" in the family and with "her" money they would travel and see the "Promised Land". She became an avid Bingo player and to see her come out of a bingo hall smiling like a Cheshire Cat because she had won $499 jackpot for the night was worth its' weight in gold. With her two daughters and one son she buried her beloved Paul. She would follow him 7 years later. It was an indelicate and inauspicious death for with the tracheotomy that had to be performed her sweet, delicate voice was silenced. It was a resounding silence that left all numb. You may be be wondering who and why I speak of such a rather diffident and quite unassuming woman named Mary. And let's face it, "Mary" is a common name but it does have one universal and global appeal, for Mary was the mother of Jesus. To me she was just "Mom" and today would have been her 99th birthday. Happy Birthday Mom, I love you.

In an earlier post I spoke of the two questions that were asked of the ancient Egyptians before they could enter heaven, "did I find joy in my life?" and "has my life brought joy to others?" I can only hope that the latter question is answered by that my life brought joy to Mary and Paul. For me, it will all have been worth it knowing that.

We all have been faced with that unparalleled question of "what if" as we walk out the door leaving our loved one and never seeing them again. If only I had told them I loved them, or if I could take that back and try again. I dedicate this short video to Mom (and Dad)....."one more day" is all I would ask.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UWx-shGM0g

LINDA'S DAY (a little late)

Better late than never.....right??? I wanted to dedicate this post to a very special lady in my life who's undying love and care for me speaks volumes to me of how much I love her. She is someone who would literally do anything for me and basically has. For many years I was motorcycling, seeing the "world" (or actually the U.S.) her and her late husband were always there to babysit my "beasts". On top of taking care of her two little lovable dachshunds, she would add to her brood with my 6 loves. And on top being somewhat allergic to cats, she would (and still does) load up on anti inflammatory decongestants to have her eyes from swelling to the size of a blowfish and sneezing enough to start a hurricane all to keep me from having to board them in some unwelcomed shelter.

I thought when Mom died 16yrs. ago that I had indeed lost my Mom. Little did I realize that she was reincarnated in the spitting image of this woman. It used to be that when I went on one of my many motorcycle tours, Mom would always be there to stuff an extra $300 in my pocket. I would tell her I didn't need the money, but she was always quick to respond...."just take it, you never know when you're going to need extra money." This other lady is just like that....always saying, 'you may see something you want to buy". And she's still there today, saying the same thing. Here's a few pics of her with a couple of loves of her life, her now deceased husband, her now deceased Max and Mausi, and her new loves in her life that I (against her wishes) gave her two Christmas' ago.....Kris Kringle and Holly!!

So, here's to my rock, my Gibraltar, my sister-Linda who just celebrated her 63rd. birthday on July 1. Happy Birthday, Sis, I love you!!!
Lil Bro'

DRIVEN AWAY!!

Admission: Mr. Webster defines it as "acknowledgment of the truth about something". For the most part, admission on my part comes easy whether it be my absolute weakness for ice cream, funnel cakes, puppies or kittens and a few other items that probably shouldn't be mentioned here lest the "Almightly Blogger" is reading. However, this one admission that causes me much consternation is that I was "driven away" from my little jaunt to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. For those of you who have been there, you may be wondering what in the world could drive away a 59 yr. old man. It had to be some horrific circumstance....bad food, unpleasant people, ridiculous price of gasoline, unbearable heat, etc. etc. Hark, it was none of the above and I'm somewhat embarrassed to succumb to such an admission but it was nothing more than the Culiseta longiareolata.

What the hell is that, you're asking....nothing more than the common "skeet-low" ( more affectionately referred to by my good friend, we'll see if the term is familiar to this person.). I've included a picture of one of the little blood suckers. And mind you, it's only the ladies that can suck blood. It could be somewhat of a similarity to the female population of our genre. The male population is left to be discarded and abandoned after doing its' "manly" thing. Ahhhhh, the abuse we take!!!

However, I was able to take a few pictures amidst the swatting and being bitten in many places that Deep Woods Off didn't protect me. These are the Pictured Rocks National Seashore and Munising Falls in the little town of Munising, Michigan. I think I'll go back in the winter.

I'M WITH THE "YOOPERS"

For those of you who are in the "know", and I mean really in the "Know", you'll know (that's a heck a lot of "knows" don't you think??) what I'm referring to as being with the "Yoopers". Ok, ok, I'm going to have to break down and tell you (honestly, I had to look it up myself, lest I make myself look really dumb), but a "Yooper" is a person who is from the Upper Peninsula, Michigan. Derived from "U.P.- ers" have a very strong regional identity. Many of the people who live here claim to have a strong Finnish ancestry. These two images presented are from the little town of Munising, Mi. The sunset is from Sand Point and the waterfalls are the Sable Falls.

But what is even more notable for me is the technology that brings them to you or the viewing world. They were taken with my phone, downloaded to my computer, "cleaned up" in Photoshop, all while I sit in the opulent confines of my RV flanked by my 3 dogs as they make themselves comfortable on the couch. To top it off, I'm sitting here gorging myself on butter pecan ice cream and chasing them with sugar cookies!! I mean, is technology great or what??!?? I say that somewhat facetiously as we often like to "get away" from the world's hustle and bustle, but, as often as we try, we have to stay "connected". It's almost a disease that we can't leave our cell phones, computers, internet, GPS', (and butter pecan ice cream) alone. I mean, I've only been here 3 days and I've already talked with one of my sister', emailed the other one 5x's, spoke with two of my good friends and sent out 10 emails. What happened to the good ol' days when we could be gone for two weeks at a time and the only thing we did in that time was send out postcards.......damn you Steve Jobs.....somebody save me!!!!!

The Secret of Life

This past weekend, I finished watching the miniseries "Lonesome Dove". I had never completely watched the entire series from start to finish when it was originally aired, not having the "maxi" to sit through all 8 hrs. of it. And, if you've not seen it, I would highly recommend it. It's a wonderful story of the Old West, relationships, intrigue, and above all friendship and devotion as attested by the main characters-Gus McCrae and Woodrow Call. It's the sort of relationship that I think we all should strive for lest we lose ourselves in our own selfishness and opportunistic endeavors. It's the fulfillment of a dying man's last wish and the resolute dedication of his best friend to fulfill that wish. While I don't believe our lives are "movies", I believe there can be events in them that parody our own...this being one of them and certainly gives us a goal to strive for. And even though, "Woodrow" would rather not "admit" he's "human", I think of the words to a James Taylor song that again would behoove him and certainly for us to accommodate in our own lives:


"The secret of life is in opening up your heart,
It's okay to feel afraid,
But don't let that stand in your way,
cause anyone knows that love is the only road,
And since we're here for awhile,
Might as well show some style,
Give us a smile."

I was having a little difficulty in finding a really good picture to embody what I'm saying here. Being an animal person, I thought of a pic of myself with my dogs since the love of dog for their master is one of those unwavering, ceaseless loves. However, I chose this family photo of a young couple with their 4 mos. old daughter with their hands entwined exuding strength, trust, comfort, and above all-devotion.

Ruminations and Inclinations

I was out shooting the other evening, sort of meandering about the countryside (actually just off Creve Couer Mill Rd) and the sun was starting to set and I came across these intricate and quite refined vegetative plants. I think the more vernacular term would be "weeds". However, as I contemplated the muses of Plato, Descartes, and possibly even Aristotle, my mind was drawn to their silhouette against the setting sun. I think I've mentioned before that sunsets are quite fun to play with in Photoshop and increasing the saturation and vibrance of the colors are quite enticing....kind of like the proverbial kid in the candy store. However, as I was trying to compose the picture, my philosphical ruminations again came over me. "I think, therefore I am" was the famous inclination of Descartes. And as I carefully moved about the "weeds" looking for some mystical interpetation of the "weeds" against the dance of the sun's reflections as the hues rapidly changed, I thought, is this real, am I imagining the juxtaposition of these "weeds" flickering, dancing, in the wind. Is there a metaphysical and even heavenly vision that I'm missing?? As I made my final approach to fire off the shutter to capture their essence.....I thought to myself.....nahhhh, they're just "weeds", press the damn shutter.

"Hey Barney"

As lovable fictitious, inept, insecure, and the classic alarmist character, "Barney Fife", so we have the opposite in the American barn. I've been off shooting barns the last several days and have thought of Don Knotts character on the Andy Griffith show. I thought I'd pay a little homage and metaphoric comparison to these unlikely two. The barn with its classic sense of tradition and security were often built before the families would build their houses. There was that sense of community spirit as in the case of the Amish when everyone within a 10mile radius would come for the "barn raising". (Remember "Witness"). Then on the opposite, we have the enigmatic Barney Fife, a blithering idiot of sorts but somewhat harmless. The kind of character that in someways, we've come to embrace not for his intelligence but his amiability. And who can forget the famous quote, when Barney, worried about youngsters of the day going wrong, "You know today's 8yr. olds are tomorrow's teenagers, first sign of youngsters going wrong, you've got to nip it in the bud".

And far all of Barney's immutable protestations that made no sense, this one may very well be his most prolific, "nip it in the bud". Far it certainly implies in our own lives that rather than have a mountain made out of a mole hill, are we not better off when the problem is small and bring it out in the open rather than let it fester and cause further damage??
"Walking like a one many army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead
If you could only
Say what you need to say"
Here's to "nipping it in the bud".

Paul's Day

I'm going to digress a bit here today and give acknowledgment to a special man who was in my life for 36 yrs and our time was cut way to short. And I'd have to say that he still "graces" my presence in a spiritual sense everyday...my dad. It's been 23 yrs. since he died. Today would have been his 94 birthday had he lived. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him (and mom) and wish he (they) were still here in the flesh. I went to my great nephew's baseball game yesterday. A savvy group of 10 yr. olds trying to make their mark in the world of little league baseball, making stellar throws from what seems to be an ocean of dirt over to first base. A bit of nostalgia overcame me as I recalled Paul and me having catch in our driveway and his meager attempts to show me how to hit a baseball; something I already knew how to do with great ease. Paul didn't have an innate ability but he did have passion about showing his only son the "ropes" of "keep your eye on the ball, Dan". He would often duck as I swung feverishly and whistled one by his head. I mentioned in an earlier post that we had watched "Shane" the night before he died from his hospital room as his body raked with cancer that had invaded it; had somehow betrayed him. I remembered the eulogy that I delivered at his funeral and the lasting words that still ring in my ear....."he didn't lose his life to his alcoholism, cancer didn't beat him, he just ran out of time". I think of the evocative words calling out to Ray Kinsella from "Field of Dreams", "if you build it, he will come", and the mesmerizing, "ease his pain",. I hope in a small way, I eased my dad's pain.
Love,
Your son

"Good Night Mrs. Grenbell, where ever you are"

There have been many beliefs, ideas, suggestions on the meaning of a rainbow. Some still believe there's the proverbial "pot of gold" at the end of it. Some of those people are still driving in their cars, flying in their planes, propelling in their boats to find it.
Forget about how they're formed which is basically when the sun shines on the droplets of water in the earth's atmosphere. They are an optical and meteorological phenomenon. Rainbows have always given me goosebumps. My particular belief is that they are a bridge leading me somewhere over THAT rainbow. Who can forget Judy Garland's mesmerizing version in the Wizard of Oz, "Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops, Away above the chimney tops.
That's where you'll find me."

I recently "walked" over a "rainbow" with a special friend. It was a brief and totally serendipitous but sublime journey. Those sometimes are the most enjoyable kind. It was a passage that I would have preferred to continue but I knew it would have effects that may have caused pain. And while the hopeless romantic in me looked upon it as coincidence that it occurred, I wonder if Jupiter were aligned Mars and there was complete harmony in the universe would the end result in what the Greeks referred to as "fatum" or what we mortals refer to as destiny? While I consider myself a rather staunch pragmatist, the philosopher in me relies in the underlying layer of hope.

"ANSEL"

Oh well, I couldn't resist after posting about the Tetons, I had to go through my vault of pictures of the Tetons and one very famous image created many years ago by some guy called Ansel. I mean...who in the world names their kid "Ansel"?? And once they've named him that what the hell do they think he's going to grow up to be...selling hot dogs on the streets of New York??

I'm fairly certain you'll recognize the image that "Ansel" took and he just happened to sort of make a name for himself and it wasn't selling hot dogs on the streets of New York or any other street for that matter.

I give you one of his most famous images and then my meager attempt to emulate his image by shooting mine from the same vantage point that he shot his-The Snake River Overlook. Mine was taken some 60 years later. And as you can tell, it's no where near in the same class as his. I can at least get an E for effort as my dad used to say.

"Shane"

Almost this entire week we've had nothing but rain and clouds. For a minute I had to remind myself I'm living in the humidity capital of the world-St. Louis and not Seattle. However, as the ever eternal optimist that I am, I know we can expect sun by at least August. In the meantime I had to link today's post with my all time favorite movie-"Shane". I watched "Shane" last night for the billionth time (not really). I've seen it so many times, I can recite lines from it. It's more of sentimental movie than artistically relevant (I'll leave that one to "To Kill a Mockingbird") for "Shane" is the movie I watched with my dad the night before he died. Although stripping the sentimental nature from it, it was nominated for 9 Academy Awards in 1953, winning for Best Cinematography and George Stevens won a Best Director from National Board of Review. Not only is it a sentimental favorite it was filmed in my most favorite place to visit-Grand Tetons, Wyoming. I first went to the Tetons (Indian word for "breasts") back in 1970. I've been back at least 10 times since. The allure, majesty, grandeur, and I could go on and on with rather heavenly adjectives to describe them, you'd have to see them in person to understand their mystique. They literally bring tears to my eyes each time I see them.

I couldn't decide to post a picture of them on a sunny day or in keeping with the weather pattern we've been having here, so I thought I'd sort of combine the conflicting patterns and offer this one. Go rent "Shane" and stay to the end to listen to little Joey....calling out, "Shane, come back"....a tear jerker.

Back "Zen"

Often we truly think we've been on the path of straight and narrow. We believe we've set our compass and that any deviation will alter our journey. But as we've read so many times, (and I truly hate to be redundant or use risky platitudes) it's not the destination, it's the journey. We don't look at all the abundant and magnificent "layers" that are presented to us.


Take this particular image for example. There are several "layers" to it. There appears to be water droplets in the foreground, with some kind of foliage, possibly a lake or water in the background, with possibly a path. Can we pull off one of the layers to reveal something more fascinating or intriguing beyond the droplets? And once that layer is unmasked, what are we looking at now? Are we going to let one layer beset another? Our lives are often that way. We're on that "journey", we've set our course or compass and we encounter a multi layered life's event. Is this one of those magnificent layers that we must embrace lest we let it shrink away? Once we've understood why that particular event has occurred (and only we can answer this) cherish it, it has appeared for a reason. It could very well be a reconnect to something that we let go of many years ago.

WITHOUT THE ROSE

Love is like a rose good to hold and smell
but then that rose begins to die
and you go through hell

One thing you should know my friends
is that love can scorn
and just like life
every rose has it's thorns.

but as the rose you hold
withers and fades away
another rose has appeared
and your pain is taken away

This cycle of life
no one will ever know
why we would fight amongst ourselves
for that one single rose

And even though we try
to let our pain go
we can't do it
without that rose

This little poem comes from the noted works of Shelbie Bozeman, the rose comes from my garden. I just love roses....so delicate, intoxicatingly fragrant, and pure...something that I wish the way life was all the time. As she states in her last stanza, we may often try and let our pain go, but without the rose, it doesn't occur. I believe we each should have a "rose" in our lives to absorb that pain and share it. We so often try to go it alone for we fear to expose our vulnerabilities. For roses, even though are delicate, they embody a tremendous amount of strength. Find your rose.

The Blades of Wheat

The delicate blades of wheat are very intricate and refined giving way to a myriad of lines and forms. The very intertwining of the blades gives the viewer elements of doubt. And yet, the form itself speaks of similarity.

It's Clouds Illusions I Recall

The above "title" for this post comes from the very popular song, "Both Sides Now". Depending on who you prefer....Joni Mitchell, or Judy Collins, they were the two most popular artists that recorded this song, the song gives rise to the meaning of life and how it has affected you. "I've looked at clouds from both sides now, from up and down, and still somehow, its clouds illusions I recall, I really don't know clouds at all". In looking at this image of the clouds, can we often attest our life to that, the inimitable shape of them and the ever changing pattern that they give off. Isn't that what life is all about. Most of the time, it's not constant, but effervescent and challenging?? Would we prefer a static and mundane existence?

Finals are over

Final presentation of my portfolio was submitted last Tuesday. I chose as my subject matter the Pulitzer Museum and Contemporary Museum of the Arts. I could literally shoot there all day and could still get ideas long after the image was processed and printed. I continue to look at the finished product and see other shapes, lines, form within those images that are striking. The use of negative space is very powerful for me. Here are several of the images that were part of my presentation.

Hemmed In

This particular image comes from the Contemporary Museum of the Arts. It's outside in their courtyard. I especially like the dimension of looking down the walls with the reflection of the pool. With the tree centered between the walls, it gives the viewer the impression that whatever is beyond the walls and the reflection of the water, ends and just what is beyond those concrete walls?

And the Winner Is......

I don't like to toot my own horn and for the the majority of the time with my images I'm more content to shoot for my own pleasure and no one else'. I truly believe that image creation and satisfaction comes from within. It is pleasant however, to get a positive feedback on something that I've created, especially from someone who I don't consider a friend; because we all know that our friends are going to like what we do. At somewhat of an "urging" from others, I submitted several photos for our student art show at my community college. Not expecting to be recognized for these images and certainly not expecting to be chosen to be exhibited and certainly not expecting to "win", I was pleasantly surprised to have won 3rd honorable mention for this image. I am often somewhat amused at how judges determine their particular choices. I am even more perplexed at how they narrow down their selections for the number of images that were submitted truly had what I consider outstanding quality. Several of my classmates also submitted images that I considered excellent. Why this one was chosen is at best confusing. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. In light of that, however, I am truly greatful.

Inspiration by D-Zine

My post for today comes from the Carousel House at Faust Park. This structure is one of wonderful shape of line and form. Yet, it also lends to a complexity of shadow by the way it was shot. There is an intricacy of the arrangement of the glass and supports of the building. The circular walkway adds a significant amount of counterbalance to the overall picture.
I'm dedicating this image to a young "toddler" out there who continues to develop and perfect his art. He has shown a gifted eye for image creation.

I almost forgot, and actually forgot that you might want to see what's inside the Carousel House.....duh????

Chihuly

We were quite fortunate to have had Dale Chihuly's Glass in the Garden exhibit at the Missouri Botanical Gardens from May 2006-Jan. 2007. Some 950,000 visitors saw the exhibit. Three of his collections were added as permanent attractions to the Gardens. I have chosen an image of the Blue Chandelier which hangs in the atrium as you enter the Gardens. I have processed this image in High Dynamic Range as I am increasingly captivated by the tonal and contrast highlights that this process gives. The other two exhibits that are at the Gardens are the Walla Wallas (onions, that are shown in the fountain pools at select times of the year) and the Herons which are on exhibit year round in the Climatron. For more information on Dale Chihuly please check out his website. He is a multifaceted and talented man.
www.chihuly.com

Pulitzer Again

I was at the Pulitzer Museum again yesterday and was looking for some inspiration for my final project for my Photo III class. I've decided on Space and Form (I think-subject to change of course by next Tuesday) and how it gives makes the viewer look for variances in places. This particular image is one that I shot in High Dynamic Range (again). It's the corner of the walkway to the entrance to the museum. The process gives it a really striking sense of not just the form and shape of the walls, but the texture of them as well.