Frank-ly Speaking!!

As Dancer's journey continues (and hopefully on a positive one), I would be remissed, almost negligent, no, it would be unconscionable if I didn't acknowledge one of my "earth angels" in this ordeal. I know I've talked about my spirituality in my last several posts coupled with my undying belief in faith and hope that our "destination" will be one of joy. I've also talked about miracles and believing in them and while my most passionate wish is that Dancer is cured, I also believe in angels. I've been blessed lately (and throughout my life really) to have an extraordinary team of angels guiding me, consoling me, keeping my hope "Everest" like. But I digress and without mentioning this person, as I said, it would be unconscionable on my part for I credit him with his insight, knowledge, and judgment at catching this at an early stage. As I've witnessed and discussed with others who are experiencing the same type tumor in their dogs, and listening to their heartbreaking stories of misdiagnosis, treatment for other conditions and wasting precious time, I think back to the day in my vet's office when he suggested doing an x-ray to see what may be causing his sneezing. And when the "mass" was found, it was his recommendation that a referral be made to the oncologist to find out what its' make up was. The worst thing unfortunately was realized at that appt. But, he could have suggested treat with antibiotics, like other peoples vets had done, give him a shot, as other peoples have done, and all the while precious time would have been gone. I thank my "earth angel" for his intuition. If Dancer has been granted more time with me, I know he will have a Herculean contribution to it.
This guy is sort of semi retired as a vet though. He sold the practice a couple of years ago and as a courtesy the new group lets him come to the office, sort of as a "be kind to the old folks" mentality. He's the only guy there, outnumbered by 9-1 by females so that speaks either to his inner strength or he's unabashedly succumbed that the male is far inferior to the opposite sex. He spends the rest of is "free" time being a grandpa, trying to play on his forgotten dreams of being the next Ansel Adams (but he'll never be because he still shoots with a Nikon), and venturing off with his lovely bride-Sue to photograph those unfulfilled dreams of Ansel.
Several years ago, I got him to abandon his PC for a more hip, up to date, trendy, and just viably better computer, the venerable and enigmatic iMac. But in doing so, I inadvertently created a monster....a book monster for now he has taken to his new toy of creating pictorial books with his iMac. And I must say, he has a knack for making them not just visually stunning, but almost Adams like in their quality (ok, ok, so he shot them with a Nikon). It's customary when a president retires that he makes a library honored with his name. This guy will be the first vet to create a library from all his iMac books. Frank, you're the best!!

"Life is a Journey"

My posts have lately been far and few between and if you read this blog you know why. It has come down to more of a “journaling” than what it’s original intention was set out to be. But, ahhhhh, the beauty of life affords us that-change.
“Life’s a journey not a destination”…how many times have we read this and thought, “what a bunch of crap”? As a kid, when we went anywhere with the parents, how many times did we scream at the top of our lungs, “are we there yet”? And lately, I’ve been thinking that. As my boy Dancer (and I) are continuously challenged by “what to do” about this cancer thing that has invaded his body and appears to have no bound in wanting to destroy his life (and mine as well), I somberly think of the “destination”. Is it going to be death from cancer? And I guess this is where that part of that quote comes in; the journey, for it obliges me to pursue that overlooked road or detour to try and cheat fate. If you have a pet, you’ve been there and done that….when is the right time, did I wait too long, did I not wait long enough, who am I doing this for, him or me? And the ever engaging-“quality of life” buffer which somehow is meant to lessen our complete and utter anguish at “letting them go”. But, come on now, it really doesn’t…you’ve truly lost your best friend and all you can think about, is I want him here with me. But after your emotions have somewhat calmed, the cobwebs of heartbreak have subsided, you can reason, “it was time” and he’ll be in that special place we commonly refer to as Heaven, because you know….all dogs do go to heaven (and cats, and horses, and goats, and pigs….)

So, I (and Dancer) embark on one of those detours in the journey of life to try another intervention. Dancer will undergo a fairly new and somewhat radical procedure called the “cyberknife” in hopes of eradicating this tumor that impales him. We will place our trust in the hands of the skilled artisan who hopefully have their hands guided by God to use the laser beam to cheat death and add to, not just the quality of his life, but the quantity as well. It will be my fondest hope (and remember, Hope is a good thing) that Dancer will die of old age, not cancer.

Who Has a Lease on Life?

It's been several weeks since my last post and frankly my emotional energy has been sorely zapped. At my last posting (July 20th), I mentioned that my good friend, Dancer lay on a vet's table reeling from the effects of just having a rhinoscopy. And while my prayers were of a positive hope for a better outcome, the tide was swept away from me. My hope was sorely tested as I received the "CALL"-sino nasal transitional cell carcinoma. Prognosis-2 mos. left untreated, 3-5 with chemo, 9 mos. maybe with radiation. My heart broke. And for those of you who are thinking, it's just a dog for cryin' out loud, I'll have a little verse for you at the end.

So, I began to embark on another journey with Dancer, not so much a "death sentence" for that was what I was handed, but instead, a "life sentence". I remember the haunting and prophetic words of one Andy Dufresne, "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and a good thing never dies". He also said, "you can get busy living, or get busy dying". I decided to get busy living with Dancer for whatever time he has left. I truly believe it will be my faith in God, and my unrelenting passion for hope that will see us through.

My dad always used to say, "who has a lease on life"? He wasn't a smart man, not terribly intuitive, and surely his sensitivity was well hidden. But he did say that often, and his words harken to me now. While I know that having a pet gives me the most boundless joy I've ever experienced, and I truly have never loved anything that much, I know it has also given me the most sadness and I have had to face THE most difficult task ever in my life-the decision to let them go. And for now, with whatever time Dancer has left, my love and attention for him will be immeasurable.

Here's the verse I was mentioning earlier for those of you who believe "it's just a dog",

From time to time, people tell me, "lighten up, it's just a dog," or, "that's a lot of money for just a dog." They don't understand the distance traveled, the time spent, or the costs involved for "just a dog."

Some of my proudest moments have come about with "just a dog." Many hours have passed and my only company was "just a dog," but I did not once feel slighted.

Some of my saddest moments have been brought about by "just a dog," and in those days of darkness, the gentle touch of "just a dog" gave me comfort and reason to overcome the day.

If you, too, think it's "just a dog," then you will probably understand phases like "just a friend," "just a sunrise," or "just a promise." "Just a dog" brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust, and pure unbridled joy. "Just a dog" brings out the compassion and patience that make me a better person.

Because of "just a dog" I will rise early, take long walks and look longingly to the future. So for me and folks like me, it's not "just a dog" but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future, the fond memories of the past, and the pure joy of the moment.

"Just a dog" brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day.

I hope that someday they can understand that it's not "just a dog" but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being "just a human."

So the next time you hear the phrase "just a dog." just smile, because they "just don't understand."

I have attached a small video of Dancer with his good buddy cousin-Kris Kringle