"Awakenings"

I've sort of gotten away recently from my blog as I look at the date of my last post.  And yet the date isn't of consequence as my last couple of weeks I've been emotionally processing an "awakening" of sorts that is, or has lead me on a journey away from my grief.  Grief and sorrow, allowed to fester and seed itself can have devastating consequences.  It can also be a mental crutch that permeates oneself and almost provides a distorted sense of comfort.  It applies a veneer to the true self and mask itself in a facade of contentment.  Neither the veneer or the contentment are real and eventually must be stripped away.  Through this awakening or manifestation that I have been experiencing are doing just that for me-stripping away the veneer and false contentment that I have allowed to plant inside of me.  I'm hesitant to openly reveal this awakening at this juncture and while I disdain when others put forth veiled statements, I'm still "processing" it.  At some time in the not to distant future, I'll openly reveal the circumstances.  For now though, it has been a relief to experience a change of heart, a new found comfort and a satisfaction that everything and everyone is alright.  It's these sorts of times that I must step outside of familiar "bookmarked" modus operandi and almost throw caution to the wind and give rise to the fact that another has an ability to answer questions for me and interrupt that veneer that I had learned to feel comfort in.  But even in looking outward at this contentious experience, the walls of doubt can be erected.  It is with a certain degree of hope (and I've always contended I have plenty of this) that has little by little disassembled that wall.  It's sort of a gamble to entrust that hope in something speculative, but in the long run, worth the risk.

"Do Not be Afraid of Death, be afraid of the unlived life"

"You don't have to live forever, you just have to live".  And it is with these words that end one of the most charming and simply poetic movies-TUCK EVERLASTING.  It is a movie that has been out for a number of years and I just watched it for the first time.  If you've not seen it, it's central theme is of mortality and while my most recent life situation and experience tailors me to want to embrace it-immortality that is.  I've often spoke of death and the most damning element to it is that it is so....damn permanent.  And yet, the thought of immortality in some ways sounds inviting, the family depicted in the movie don't necessarily strive to embrace their "gift".  They seem to deny the beauty of not having to die.  It's not so much that the thought of dying but a little over a year ago, I so wished that time would stand still...no going forward....no going backward.  But, as the plot and depiction of the move entails that to do this would certainly disrupt the circle of life.  And that is the key to life; it is a circle that does not break and no matter how many roadblocks, travesties, accomplishments, that present themselves to us, we must continue to move forward.  We can't look behind us. 
And it is with these thoughts I give this image and this song.

The Healing Water

I believe that each person has the choice to adhere his/her own ideology in a Deity.  Whether you refer to this entity as God, or a Higher Power, Supreme Being, or Allah, really is circumstantial.  For what I've inordinately discovered in my 61 years the one element you need to pursue this idea, is faith.  Faith has never been an issue for me, but perseverance and application have.  I really prefer to shun dialogues involving religion and faith for mine has always been uncharacteristically cloistered and rather confined.  Although, I can look back some 45 years ago and wonder what kind of priest I would have made, had I completed my studies having the kind of outlook I hold true today.  I guess that's where the "Spirit" would have had a significant role in my formation and the issue hopefully would have been mute.

But I'm digressing here and you're wondering where's this post going??  Today's Gospel was the story of the blind man who sat in front of the temple.  Jesus hops along, spits in the ground, makes a paste and packs it on the man and tells him to go wash in the pool of Siloam.   The man does as Jesus instructs and lo' and behold, he can see.  There is ensuing discussion from the Pharisees about Jesus healing on the Sabbath, and was this right, and why was this guy blind; was it because of his parents who sinned or was he a sinner.  For the purpose of this post, it's irrelevant to me but the healing water and the "faith" this man had are.

I listened to a Holy Man today weave the intricacies of this story into a spiritual tapestry for not just my life, but for many as well.  I am often spellbound by his knowledge and his grace of how he weaves these parables in such an informal enthusiasm without resonating fire and brimstone.  He struck a cord that our lives are often reflected by significant events where we need that faith to extract us from either rejecting our God or positioning and aligning us stronger.  He used the example of his brother dying several years ago and it put him in a tailspin of despair of which I was easily able to identify with.  It was his faith and the healing waters of his baptism that brought him through.  And it will be with my undying faith and the healing waters of my baptism that Christ will bring me through as well.  The idea I'm trying to convey is that our lives are often a struggle, a roller coaster of successes and failures.  How or what we choose to use to uphold our dignity and determination hopefully is predicated on one's faith.


I think it Carter Chambers may have said it best, "Our lives are streams flowing into the same river towards whatever heaven lies in the mist beyond the falls, My dear friend, "Close your eyes and let the waters take you."

good night Dancer