Dancer's Rainbow

"Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high.
There's a land that I heard of Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue.
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.
Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops, Away above the chimney tops.
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow,
Why then - oh, why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,
Why, oh, why can't I?"

Here's hoping that we'll find the pot of gold at the end of Dancer's Rainbow

23 Years

The passage of time and how we define it can be traced to very specific events, moments, or even those that are about to occur. Yet those that are about to occur are at best unpredictable. Lately, I've been wishing that time would stand still and that air of unpredictability would escape me. I thought of trying to be very existential with this post and think of some muse of Aristotelian thought or maybe even go a little "crazy" and define some Heideggerian mentality that hearken sentimentality of this day. Alas, it's rather late and the flowing thoughts aren't being philosophical but lending to a nostalgic tenderness. I think about this day some 23 yrs. ago as I sat by his side, his body now failing him as a horrible disease consumed it. He didn't know I was there as he slipped in and out of a coma. I had hoped the angels were providing for him as I watched his body arch and settle down. I spoke to him but he did not respond to my voice. I told him I was there and it was going to be alright, but again he did not hear me. I would have liked to have one more talk with him, to tell him how much I loved him and that all the years of pain and sorrow we had gone through didn't matter. I would have wanted to say, "can we have another game of catch"? or "will you take me fishing one more time"? I wanted to watch "Shane" with him one more time like we did last night and I wanted him to sing "Danny Boy" to me one more time. I wanted to say that for all those painful moments, I would joyously give up those 23 yrs. to have one more day with you. I knew that you were still there for me and that your love for me never failed for that's what dad's do for their sons. I wanted to tell him that I would miss him each and every day he would be gone. There isn't a day that goes by that he's not in my thoughts and I miss him terribly. Paul died Sept. 29, 1986-23 yrs. ago today. He was only 71.

Kisses, meet Murph, Murph, meet Kisses

As Dancer completed his third and final dose of radiation this past Friday at Colorado State University, he wanted me to introduce two of his canine brothers who are struggling with the same cancer. And these two guys;(one gal) one Kisses, a Yorkie mix just completed his radiation last week, and Murph, a Golden is getting ready to undergo the start of hers tomorrow. And while Kisses is back home in Calif. and now endeavors to arrest additional health concerns, Murph impatiently and with a fair amount of anxiety awaits the beginning of another journey in her life. These two courageous troopers gallantly maintain that life is not just an inert warrant to be stopped because of their cancer, but a continuum only to be profoundly cherished. They are blessed by their "parents", Barbara and Pam who have confidently and with steadfast affirmation exposed their undying love for them. Roger Karas once said, "Dogs aren't our whole lives, but they make our lives whole". And these guys,(and gal) along with Dancer have attended to that void we experience, that element of abyss that can encompass us, and for our betterment and shear joy, make our lives whole.
And so, as Dancer's brother and sister await their next fork in the road, my prayers and hopes go with them.

I HAD A DREAM

I had a dream I was walking along a roaring stream with my friend and we came to a bridge that was old and dilapidated. It clearly had been crossed so many times as witnessed by the imbedded foot prints across its slats. It was an enduring bridge, held upright by weathered cables of jute and burlap fastened around the old pawpaw. And this majestic tree had additionally seen it’s days as well. My friend, who was now approaching the twilight of his life leaned on me and said, “I don’t know if I can cross this bridge, for it doesn’t appear that it will hold both of us”. He nudged me with his nose to motion that I go on without him. I said, “clearly you have carried me so often in my life, through my dark days, and have been my haven in times of despair, I will never leave you, I can surely carry you one more time”. And with that I picked my friend up and draped him around my neck. As we gathered ourselves, we stumbled under foot as the bridge swayed from our weight, the creaking and splintering of the slats threatened to thrust us into the rushing waters. “Please put me down and go on without me” my friend barked at me. I replied, “you will never know what a difference you have made in my life, I can never repay you, if you go, I go”. I felt his grip tighten around my neck and I felt his warmth give strength to my aching body. And with steady, and deliberate steps we crossed that Rainbow Bridge together. And as we reached the other side, we looked back and saw that the bridge was once again new, the slats had been mended, the jute where once was torn and tattered was strong and renewed. And the old pawpaw was blooming and bearing fruit once again. And the rushing waters of the stream had calmed and were now tranquil. I had a dream.